Overheard:
"... and that's why I went to jail wearing a carbide lamp."
When I was crossing the border into Canada they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
Q. What did Jeffry Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?
A. Are you going to eat that?
I'll tell you the meaning of life,
but first you have to promise not to laugh.
“In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take.”
—Adlai E. Stevenson
"A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over, nobody's home.' I went over. Nobody was home."~ Rodney Dangerfield
A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the
bartender, "I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend
here."
The bartender says, "Oh come on, pal, we don't serve no gorillas in here."
So
the guy figures he'll fix them, so he takes the gorilla home, shaves off
all her hair, gives her a nice wig, lipstick, red dress, etc. He takes
her back to the bar and says, "I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for
my girlfriend here."
The bartender gives them the drinks and they go
off and sit down and chat. The bartender turns to his buddy at the
bar and says, "You know, that drives me crazy: it seems like every time
a good-looking Italian girl comes in here, she's with a black guy."
"In Starbucks my dawg and me sat,
’Cause dat where de white womens at.
We’d like to drink lattes
While watchin’ de hottays,
But a n—– just cain’t affode dat."
~ Desanex
"In my sex fantasy, nobody every loves me for my mind."
~ Nora Ephron
Just because he's deployed doesn't mean I'm single.
“She was trouble looking for somebody to happen to.”
― Ross Macdonald
“People are strange: They are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice.”
― Charles Bukowski
"When God created you lying naked in bed
He knew what He was doing
He was drunk and He was high
and He created the mountains and the sea and fire at the same time
He made some mistakes
but when He created you lying naked in bed
He came all over His Blessed Universe.”
― Charles Bukowski
