Taking a look back. The time goes so fast.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
The quarter-century mark. One-third gone. At least. Most likely. Oh, well.
Actually, 2008 was a pretty good year for me, all things considered. I moved on. I acquired professional credentials. I am officially a scientist. Huzzah! I can teach at university level, should I choose to. I decided what I am going to do with my life--waste it! Haha! Not!
I have some more goals to accomplish, but I am on track for those.
I've decided to have..., to do...; well, those are for me to know because they involve only me.
But I have decided, after almost 3 years of not believing it, that I am happy, more or less, most of the time. I've also decided that, as my dad says, I'm lucky. He means it in the sense of being fortunate, maybe being blessed.
For one thing, I'm not stupid in the low IQ sense--I'm top 5th quintile, and pretty far up in that. I may lack common sense, but I ain't stoopud. I don't say that to boast, but to recognize it. What if I had an IQ of 95? One out of three people has no more than that. One out of two people has an IQ of 100 or less. That's just a statistical fact. So I should appreciate what my brain allows me to do. Four-year college degree? If you don't have an IQ of at least 115, you won't be able to earn one. Masters degree, even more IQ power needed. Ph.D? More still. I don't have to worry. Lots of people do, so they can't achieve goals that I can.
That doesn't make me a better person than they are. Just lucky. Like my dad says.
For another thing,
physically,
I am lucky, too. I am a natural Size 4. I don't struggle with weight
problems. I'm not big-boned, heavy-set, chunky, plump. I don't have
cravings for fatty foods or sugary foods. Nor am I really thin,
flat-chested, bony. I'm just right in the middle. I don't have a lot
of body hair. I might shave my legs a few times a year, mostly just for
the heck of it. They don't really need it. I am naturally blonde,
which seems to be a big deal, considering how many brunettes bleach
their hair to look like me. Too bad for them the carpet doesn't match
the drapes, lol. Nor do their eyes. Brown-eyed blondes? Oh, please!
Again, I'm just lucky.I don't have a problem getting pregnant. I've been surprised at how many women struggle with that. And I've decided that I want to have a child again. For a long time I swore never again. Not again would I make myself hostage to fate. But.... I shall.
What else? I could go down a long list. I'm an American, a Christian, heir genetically and culturally to Europe, the greatest civilization in the history of the planet. I'm not saying that to be superior to those who are not, but to remind myself I could have been born in Somalia or Afghanistan or... Luckily, I was not.
I was not born in poverty. I was not abused as a child. My parents took care to educate me and instill in me the work ethic, respect for learning and education, a love for nature, animals and the outdoors. They taught me...well, so much. Pleasure in reading, in music, in art, in history and science, in cooking, in making others feel good, compassion, empathy. Maybe I haven't made as good a use of these things as I could have. But I will!
Despite my times of doubt, I do believe in God and a universe created with a purpose. I am not a reductionist. How is that lucky? Well, lots of people don't believe life has a purpose or that there really is a God. They may say they do, they may even believe it, but by their actions it is clear that they do not. A person who in her heart of hearts believes life is without significance or value cannot be happy in the face of her on-rushing rendezvous with personal oblivion.
I have debated this point countless times. I have thought about it endlessly. I have my own personal experience with non-existence and felt the rush of wind from the wings of the Angel of Death. I have dealt with the deaths of those so close to me as to mean more to me than my own life. Without an abiding belief in God and Purpose, I would have stepped off long ago.
Oh, well, I digest....
A couple of responses:
"F" wrote:
If you believe in nothing, you have nothing, no goal, no ultimate purpose... no life.
I'm
sure that you will make a great mother, and will raise a beautiful and
well educated human being to be kind, decent, intelligent and respectful
to the values of life and nature itself. Whoever the father may be will
be a very fortunate person.
All of the things that you wrote
about yourself in this entry, and a lot more, are the reasons of why I
consider myself blessed to have known someone like you, and more
importantly, to be able to call you my friend... a real friend! :-)
"D" wrote:
I wanted to say thanks for this blog entry. It is very uplifting and
it’s wonderful to hear that you have found happiness in your life. That
is a precious thing.
The thing that intrigues me about your
intelligence is that many people with high IQs use their
intelligence to belittle others, whereas you use it to help people and
even sometimes go out of your way to hide it. That is something quite
special. By the way, if you want a good example of irony, the British
headquarters of Mensa is based in a place called Wolverhampton; a city
of people with possibly the lowest IQ in the country!
Cómo Han Pasado los Años
How the Years Have Passed
