Odds and Ends

"How long, how long must I regret?
I never found my people yet;
I go about, but cannot find
The blood-relations of the mind."
~ Ruth Pitter

Overheard: "I don't start enough memos with, 'Look, you asshole....'"

Q: What does Dracula do with used tampons?
A: Uses them as tea bags.

Overheard:  "This place looks like someone lit a stick of dynamite underneath 50 pounds of tinker toys!"

"I am not allowed to have PTSD flashbacks to wars I was not in."
~PFC Skippy Schwartz

“The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.”
― T.H. White

Overheard: "If you sit him in the corner and repeatedly say, 'But we’ve always done it this way,' he will curl up in a ball and sob uncontrollably."

*sees a baby*
Pfft, I used to be a baby. WHEN I WAS TWO.
*sees you're mad*
No it's okay, listen, some of my best friends are former babies.

Overheard: "Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."  

Make-up tip: You're not in the circus.

Overheard:  "The genius of it is that it was designed for any idiot to use. I learned it in a few hours."

Meeting highlight:  "I'll consider your proposal very carefully before I throw it out."

If the story of your life had a first line, what would it be?

Three phrase you had better never say if you want to move up to your next pay grade:
"I can't do that."
"I don't know."
"Sorry I'm late."

It's hard to find a black cat in a dark room--especially if it's not there.

Overheard:  "Nothing is too good for you guys, and that's exactly what you're gonna get."

"When you have a concentration of power in a few hands, inevitably men with the mentality of gangsters get control.”
~ Lord Acton

Overheard:  "It's like being water-boarded with tequila by a rodeo clown."

"A year from now you will wish you had started today."
~ Karen Lamb

Overheard: "He knows how to stick the knife in without getting blood on his hands."

"Aloofness is the posture of self-defense.”
― Quentin Crisp

Overheard:  "Not sure if I’m out of touch or I just have good taste."

“Someone with northern European ancestry is more closely related to native Americans than to southern Europeans.”
~ Pontus Skoglund

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
 ~ Ernest Hemingway

Overheard:  "It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it."

Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after sex?
 To stop the snoring before it starts.

Overheard:  "You know what I'm going to say anyway, so I'm not going to waste your time and actually say it."

Alaska--A place you can love with all your heart even while it's trying its best to kill you.

Overheard:  "Yes, things happen for a reason.  The reason is that you are stupid and make bad choices."

"If Helen of Troy had been seen eating peppermints out of a paper bag, it's likely her admirers would have been an entirely different class."
~ Djuna Barnes

There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back home.

"The books we think we ought to read are poky, dull, and dry;
The books that we would like to read we are ashamed to buy;
The books that people talk about we never can recall;
And the books that people give us, oh, they're the worst of all."
~ Carolyn Wells

Acquaintances warn you when you have a bad idea.  Friends get a camera.

Overheard:  "You shouldn't have joined the Navy if you didn't want to go to sea because that's kind of what the Navy does."