Wariness

 One rainy day my mother was rummaging around in some old boxes of junk that had been stored away for decades and found this souvenir of her trip across what was then the Soviet Union in September, 1973.  Apparently, it is a vodka pocket flask.  It's never been used as my mother doesn't drink, and looks brand new.  When she found it, she looked around for other items she knew she had brought back -- a package of Soviet cigarettes with a picture of that dog they sent into space; I guess that was the brand, what she called a Dr. Zhivago hat, a small bust of Lenin, etc.  But those she could not find.  Maybe they are in another box.

Here are some photos she took on the trip.  The shot from inside a bus is at some city in the Soviet Far East but she can't remember which one.  The steam locomotive photo was snapped from the Trans-Siberian Express somewhere along the way, and the car photo was taken in Moscow. She says the car reminded her of a 1956 Lincoln her mother (my grandmother) had.

When she was showing me the flask and reminiscing about the trip, she recalled that she had gotten to chatting with one of the band members on the ship she took from Yokohama to Vladivostok -- yes, the ship had a small dance band that played generic foxtrot tunes -- and as Chile was then in political turmoil -- the Chilean president, Salvador Allende, was overthrown on Sept. 11 -- she asked him what he thought of the situation.  To her, she was just making conversation about an event in the news.  But the musician looked uneasy and merely said in response, "I am a musician."  Not quite understanding why he would respond that way, she persisted, giving her opinion, and asking what his was.  But he merely repeated, "I am a musician."  And he excused himself and left.  And then she got it.  She was aboard a Soviet ship headed for the Soviet Union, a land without freedom of speech, with a gulag for political prisoners. Merely by asking her question, she may have put this man at risk, perhaps even herself.  As it turned out, nothing happened to her, but she never knew if that were so for the musician.

Thinking about what she said, I considered that what was once true of the Soviet Union is true or becoming true of this country.  There are things I won't say, certainly won't write, out of...caution.  I'm no firebrand and my politics are basically, "Can't we all just get along?" which I know gets a big horse laugh from all sides, but still it's what I wonder and wish for.  But, of course, I have reactions to current events, am not happy about so much of what has been happening and if I were living in my mother's youthful era, when cars had bumper stickers saying "Question authority," I would probably express my thoughts.  But in this day and age, in these times, I will not. I just turn away and direct my life and thoughts to the private and personal, my family, my work, my goals.  If anyone were to ask my opinion about politics or current affairs, I would respond with the equivalent of, "I am a musician."  And say no more.