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I've asked both my mom and dad that. Boomers, they married late after having very rich and, some would say, adventuresome youths -- my father being a naval aviator participating in Linebacker II, the Christmas bombing, etc., during the Viet Nam War, my mother being an Army nurse during the same conflict and then a volunteer with the Barsky Unit of CMRI in Saigon after her service. They'd both seen a lot of the world, including visiting the Soviet Union; in fact they first met on a ship sailing from Yokohama to Vladivostok, although they didn't date seriously for a couple of years after and marry a couple of years after that. Then, once they married, we kids, two brothers and me, the youngest, came along some years after that. And this year they will celebrate their 46th wedding anniversary.
Watching their interactions, it's clear they enjoy each other's company and are happy and comfortable together. They will sit in the sun room and talk with each other for, it seems, hours about any subject under the sun -- current politics, the stock market, friends and relatives, their careers, places they been and things they've done, recipes and what to have for dinner, their children and grandchildren...just anything. Now and again, they fall silent. One may gaze out the window while the other reads something or checks his or her phone, then the conversation picks up again.
Of course, that's not their whole day, and often they are apart for most of it, if not all of it, doing their separate things. And of course, when they were working, often they would be apart for long stretches. When my father was on a cruise, he would be gone for months. During the Gulf War, he was away for eleven months.
So what's the secret to their long marriage? They shrug. They don't know. Just take it easy, don't be a self-centered jerk, be considerate, think of the other person first, always remember why you fell in love with them, and so forth.
But I think there could also be a predisposition to staying married, an inherited or genetic component. One of my sets of grandparents were married for 51 years before the husband died, and another set was married for 68 years before the husband died. Neither wife remarried, not that that was realistically expected to happen at their ages -- at least, I wouldn't think so.
My mother did say, when we talked about this, that you should not rush into marriage hastily, but get to know the person quite well, analyze your own emotions and make sure you are not projecting a personality on the individual that is not really theirs. Don't ignore or dismiss their faults but think about whether you can live with them. And don't ignore or dismiss your own faults. Be pitiless in your self-evaluation. Try to see yourself as the other person sees you.
I would add, based on my experience, imagine what it would be like if the person you love, whose life means more to you than your own, should abandon you. What black depths of despair would you endure? Why would you let that happen? So, dear friend, do all that you can do to see that that never, ever happens. Love, yes. But also be worthy yourself of being loved.
Two musical takes on the same thing; if you can do anything to prevent it happening to you, do so:
