A couple of people have spoken to me in oblique terms of "widow's fire," telling me it's normal and not to be ashamed of. Never having heard the term, I smiled and nodded, thanking them for their concern.

Then I looked the phrase up.  Oh. Hmm.  Well, I have not experienced that. Mostly the emotions I've had have been the ones I've written about.  No need to go back over it.

I do wonder if this widow's fire is something made up like the claim that divorcees are all sexually voracious. Those I have known were not randy but angry, depressed, anxious, sad.  I can't say that I can generalize from them, but a lot of so-called common knowledge has never jibed with what I know of the world.

I think the use of "goku" here is ごく一部, a small amount.

Well, I always thought that I was on the high end of the hot-to-trot scale but I took a test that ranks how sexually "kinky" you are and I hardly moved the needle. You people are real sickos. Or else I need to get out more. But I don't wanna get out more! I am happy whereat I am...more or less happy, as such things go.

But still.... Maybe when this widow's fire kicks in I can up my score and become a contender in the regional round-heeled woman contest, televised before a live audience! Hey, if that ain't a thing, it probably will be by and by.

Now wait a minute.  When I was 16, I was friendly with a 31-year old man.  Isn't that like illegal or something today? He used to [censored] me and [censored] my cat as well. We both liked it, too. Hubba, hubba! Doesn't that count? Alas, when my dad found out he invited him to join us at Sunday meeting and that was the end of that.  Darn it.

When I was an undergrad, a black English prof who liked Joy Division invited me to his home to view his collection of Henry Miller first editions, read Charles Bukowski poems and discuss you know, art and stuff, then take a walk down to the clothing-optional beach. I thought about doing it, too.

Also, when I was -- well, never mind.  

But I guess all that and more is just piffle compared to what you guys are up to.  Can't compete with that. I bet my widow's fire, if I ever get it, will prove to just be a few sparks.  Sigh.  I'm going to miss my chance to catch cooties.