A raw gray, stormy day, the wind driving the rain at a steep angle into the thrashing trees. What happened to summer? Stuck in the house, wearing a sweater and crossing my arms against the cold curling around the windows and seeping under the doors, I have plenty of time to think, time to grow melancholy, to remember, regret and wish.
 
Deep in our hidden heart
Festers the dull remembrance of a change...
~ Matthew Arnold 

Life is first boredom, then fear.

Whether or not we use it, it goes,

And leaves what something hidden from us chose.
~ Philip Larkin 

I often give way to self-pity.

“Do I deserve this? I suppose I must.

I wouldn’t be here otherwise. Was there   

a moment when I actually chose this?

I don’t remember, but there could have been.”   

What’s wrong about self-pity, anyway?
~ Elizabeth Bishop