Sunday, July 26, 2026

Preserving us

Behold your warrior queen!
Ceremonial duties only.

I was reading about the Georgia Guidestones and then L. Ron Hubbard's secret bunker archives, built to survive nuclear Armageddon and world catastrophe, one in Humboldt County, California on 3,600 acres of coastal land, another deep in the recesses of southern California's San Bernadino Mountains, and another in Trementina, New Mexico...and I though, hey, I should do that. No, really.  Build, I don't know,  combination bunker/monastery/monument thingies to preserve the fruits of Western civilization before, as seems likely, it is all overwhelmed by...by...well, you know, everything

I would build one on our ranch in Montana and another on our estancia in Patagonia.  But if I did it, you know what else I would do? I wouldn't tell anyone about it.  Not a peep.  Guys I hired to build it I would tell it was something else. I'd make up a cover story of some sort, like it was a movie set or whatever.  If I needed to tell them anything at all.  But, based on my experience with work crews, I probably wouldn't need to.  All they care about is getting paid.  And if I drop by while they are taking a break and hand out ice-cold Gatorades and snacks and when the job is done give each an unexpected bonus in cash, they will think I'm a swell dame (well, I am!) and say nice things about me. And nothing else.

What monuments would I create and what would I put in the bunkers? You mean besides giant Ramesses II Abu Simbel-style likenesses of myself guarding the gates,  the Mt. Rushmore-style colossal granite monuments of me copulating with a winged god, thus birthing humanity, overlooking the Valleys of the Vaults, and huge Lamassu Guardian-style statues of me in ceremonial armor brandishing shield and sword flanking the massive doors to the bunkers? Those are a given, of course -- the Trumpian ego shall not be restrained! But what would the bunkers preserve? ... Hmm.... Well, I suppose after making all those monuments I'd be broke, so I'd just leave a note inside the bunkers saying "Contents TK."

 Okay, seriously...gosh, now that I think about it, I'm probably not qualified to decide. I guess I could throw in a bunch of obvious stuff like the Great Books, the old Encyclopedia Britannica, Webster's Third, the full OED, the works of Shakespeare and so on.  Not sure what the "and so on" would comprise.  What would you put in there?

Anyway, after I got everything in that I wanted, I'd evacuate all the air and fill the storage bunker with nitrogen.  I got that idea from Hubbard's hoard.  Nitrogen is not reactive. 

Again, seriously, other than that, I wouldn't do what Hubbard did, which was fill his vaults with a lot of stupid Scientology crap and personal aggrandizing biographical stuff.  I would really try to preserve the wisdom of the West -- history, philosophy, science, medicine, political theory, poetry, literature, painting, sculpture, architecture, photography, movies, documentaries, mathematics.... 

I could really do this.  Start small, get something done, then expand over time as funds become available. Assuming they do.

Hmm.  I should put some kind of radioactive (or whatever) signalling device in the vaults so that if humanity becomes extinct and in the far distant future space-farers from another star system discover Earth and explore it, they will pick up the signal, realize it was created by a vanished civilization, track it down and discover the world that was.

Say, isn't that the plot of some science fiction story, probably by Arthur C. Clarke or one of those guys from the golden age? Kinda seems familiar. Maybe I read a story like that when I was a kid. Man, I read everything as a kidster -- I the Jury, The Circus of Dr. Lao, Quiet Days in Clichy, Riders of the Purple Sage, Light in the Forest, Mutiny on the Bounty, The Bell Jar, Typee, Childhood's End....whatever was on the bookshelf.

I do vaguely recall reading a science fiction story about alien visitors to Earth after humanity had become extinct. They find only one relic, the last trace of all mankind. They take it home and their scientists spend decades figuring out what it is and how to display it. When they do, they are both baffled by and awestruck at the amazing race it depicts. Turns out the relic was a film reel, the film on it being a Mickey Mouse cartoon.