If the story of your life had a first line, what would it be?

These days, sitting in my straight-backed chair waiting for my bones to knit, often just staring at the floor when I get tired of looking out the window watching the shadows rotate slowly, shortening as the morning climbs up to noon, then lengthening as the afternoon slides toward evening, I feel like Christopher Walken in this video.  In my mind, I, too, stand uncertainly, then begin to dance without restraint. (I know this is not the original version of the video but I can't stand the original's music -- so sue me! I prefer this tune.) Plus Christopher Walken is just too cool for school.

 

We've had a break in the storms. Finally.  It seems odd to see the sky instead of a gray ceiling of soggy stratus.  The sunny days make me restless and eager to get back in shape and start doing things.  At least when the weather was miserable I could console myself with the fact that even if I were well I would still be stuck indoors.  But now....  And while I sit, careful not to make any sudden moves, my mind riots and thinks about all sorts of things, dipping into daydreams and fantasy.

My uncle and my cousin came to visit me and after chatting about this and that for a few minutes, I guess to cheer me up or take my mind off my present condition, my uncle suggested that once I was all healed up we could all go dancing in the big city, and I said great, we could stay at that same hotel and have a threesome!  I don't know why I said what I meant that way.  I meant...well, I don't know exactly what I meant, I was just uttering verbal Styrofoam.  But the look on their faces -- astonishment, concupiscence, uncertainty...I actually laughed at their reactions. I thought about saying I was only kidding, but it was so funny to see them wondering if I was serious that I didn't.  I think my uncle pretty quickly realized I was, because he shook his head and smiled wryly at me, but my cousin really seemed to think I might mean it.  As if.  After they took their leave, my cousin quite reluctantly, giving me a last lingering look -- I must have seemed so sexy in my old sweat pants and zip-up sweat shirt -- my mother, who had been in the next room and obviously heard what I said, came in and gave me a look that clearly said that she couldn't believe that she had given birth to a complete moron.  I shrugged, then winced with pain.  Damn.  Anyway, it was just a lame joke.  But as she has told me over and over again, and as I very well know, you absolutely cannot joke with men about sex.  But it's fun to do so.  Most guys know it's just banter.  But occasionally there's a weirdo or creep who doesn't get it.  So the wise thing to do is keep your sense of humor knees jammed together.

That evening I voice-messaged with el jefe -- I've been telling him Skype is not working for some reason, as I don't want him to see me until I'm all better -- and mentioned the incident.  He thought it was hilarious and said if I actually did it to be sure to make a video and send him a copy, it would be like a Three Stooges sex tape.  I knew he would say something like that.  He always does.  He gets a kick out of knowing men...well, you know.  I guess for him it's like guys envying the car he has or whatever.  Anyway, he's not the jealous type -- not that he need be; I'm too much of a germophobe to do anything like that.  I talk the talk but don't walk the walk.  What would I gain from doing something like that anyway?  I already have what I really want.

But I am thinking do I really want to live on the ranch.  Maybe just part time.  In this winter weather my condo in the south seas does beckon to me most seductively.  But I have too many obligations, too many people depending on me, to pack my seabag and hitchhike off into the sunset.  Maybe in 15 years or so.  Maybe.

Relaxing in the Guam condo pool admiring Two Lover's Point in the distance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, what would the first line of the story of my life be?  I don't know.  Hmm.  How about, "Here's your sign"?  But I suppose that would be the last line.

Or --

"Call me Wanda."  “As Wanda awoke one morning from uneasy dreams she found herself transformed into a monstrous vermin.” "In a hole in the ground there lived Wanda." "All this happened, more or less."  "Wanda, light of my life, fire of my loins."  "All children except one grow up." "She was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad."  "Last night I dreamed I went to Afghanistan again."  "They shoot the white girl first."  "When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold." "This is the saddest story I have ever heard." "In the beginning, sometimes I left messages in the street." "Wanda can see the color of time: it's blue."

All those are first lines from actual novels (some slightly modified. Duh.)  Do you recognize any of them?

Do you know what the first line of the story of your life would be?

 "There is no big picture. There is only this particular moment in this particular life."
~ Amy Bloom